just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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