That's intense
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
