so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
