any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
