Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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