Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
