I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
