There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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