real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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