i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Too much gin, very little bucket
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
