I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
