He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
