I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
