How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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