I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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