Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
