i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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