he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
