You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
