I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
