yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
