would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
