Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
