I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
