She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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