worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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