I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Randomize
