I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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