I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
