I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude i'm inner monologue high
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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