Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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