stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
