so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize