did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
