i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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