The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
