farters have to be the big spoon...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
