Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
