She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
