if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
