i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
