I heard we made out
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
