I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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