We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
