You just made me feel so damn special
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
