I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
