How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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