i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
