He passed out mid-signature
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
