Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
