yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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