remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize