My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
