And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
