I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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