I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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