if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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