who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize