I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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