he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize