The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
