Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
