let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
