The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
