Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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