if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just cut my nipple shaving
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
