I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
