I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
no you cant smoke seaweed
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
