Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
