i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
