I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
