so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize