How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
even my farts smell like vagina
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
