Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
