wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
