so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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