You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
