He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
