five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
