P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize