she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
