she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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