I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
