I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
