Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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