; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Randomize