Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
