we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
