I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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