4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
