whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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