I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize