did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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