Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
