And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You have to summon your inner elephant
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
